Holiday Parenting Outline

HOLIDAY PARENTING OUTLINE

DO’S

1. Put your children’s feelings before your own
2. Empathize with your children – your children may be very sad that both parents cannot be there to celebrate.
3. Each parent has the right to enjoy the time spent with their children, so be civil and happy that the child is spending time with each parent.
4. Plan ahead – share the schedule with your children. – Be specific in your plans
5. Dates – times – what will be happening
6. Come up with several versions
7. If one or the other parent is uncooperative, keep the children’s interest at the forefront – control your frustration.
8. Keep your word BUT be flexible – have several versions of the holiday plans – roll with the punches
9. Simplify family obligations for the children -- they may feel overwhelmed
10. Check in with the children about plans – but don’t give them too much responsibility and power in the decision making
11. Keep in touch – If the children are not with you on a holiday, call them – maybe schedule your celebration prior to the date. Children love parties and gifts anytime!
12. Don’t be afraid to start new traditions -- The Book of New Family Traditions (Running Press 20003) has some creative ways you can expand the holidays and celebrate in two or more homes
13. Coordinate gift giving – don’t compete – don’t discuss cost
14. Accommodate former spouses visitation more than usual
15. Reinforce to your children to have fun at the other parent’s home – children have a way of feeling “disloyal” if they show genuine happiness that they had fun with the other parent
16. Coordinate gifts and consider pitching in to buy a bigger gift. “This is from Mommy and Daddy” has a nice ring to it. Or buy gifts where several gifts will work together – computer and games.

DO NOT’S

• No adult meltdowns. Be in control of your emotions while you’re with the children
• No amateur private detective work on the other parent’s household. Don’t probe the kids for anything.
• When children do volunteer information about the other parent’s home, don’t over-react. Also don’t assume it’s true. If something sounds suspicious, respond with something like “Wow, that sounds _________. I’m going to talk to your Mom about that” and then do it. Let the children know that their parents talk about things.
• Also, don’t under-react. A new person in the life of the child (a new boyfriend or girlfriend) may create cause for a potentially controversial topic. Just explore with the child if it is brought up – let the child express his/her feelings.
• No surprises. Remember, the children come first – emotional differences must be put on hold.

Linda Price, Ph.D, Redefining Divorce.